She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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