Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize