pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
