I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
