we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
