Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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