Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and she was petting her beer can
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
