My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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