can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
