blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
