"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
