my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
