one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
