im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
