he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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