And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize