I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
