Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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