You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
