The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
