I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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