Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
