omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
