my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize