I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
