I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize