just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
