Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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