Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize