i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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