PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
