So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
last night I used snow as a chaser
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
