I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
