I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
