Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
