Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dicks are not precious.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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