i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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