saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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