i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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