Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
