mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
