SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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