If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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