First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
