you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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