walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
