Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
