You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
