I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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