lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
