your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
