Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
