Well douche your snatch and let's go!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
