you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
