god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
