I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
