4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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