don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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