Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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