think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
