I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
