Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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