Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize