I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Damn victory sex feels great
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
