i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
