I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
