threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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