actually, I'm a sock model
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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