then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
