God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
