just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
birth control should be required to get into college
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
