Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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