he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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