Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
